***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
