Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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