now i know why i became what i already was.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
