Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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