I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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