loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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