Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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