Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
