Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
