Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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