You're my little dorito
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
