This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
