Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
