I don't think brook has ever known best
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
