Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
