my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
