Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
