Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
