Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
