I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
