dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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