3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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