I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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