Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize