Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
