I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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