this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize