Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
