I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think I died a long time ago.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
