Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
