So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize