Umm I'm too high to move.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
