And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
