I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize