Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think my moral compass just broke
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
