I can text with my tongue
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
