Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
