Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
