Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
