Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So many bounce houses so little time
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
