Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
