I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
