I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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