are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
