I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
