I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
