You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
