Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
