Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
