I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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