I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize