think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
