Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
