he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This beer is not sobering me up at all
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize