i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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