I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
