Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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