I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
