I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
