She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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