When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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