Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
