Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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