1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
