i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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