Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
