I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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