You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize