Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
