I wish my penis had an off switch
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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