I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
