I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
