I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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