Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
