i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
