Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize