if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
