my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
