The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
