Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
