If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
