Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
