I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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