hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
