The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
