can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
