she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
