did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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