She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
no you cant smoke seaweed
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
