Where did you get a picture of my penis
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
