my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
