You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize