i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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