it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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