Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize