one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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