Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
