We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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