Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
