That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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