I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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