I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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