Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
